Two Blondes Walked Into a Bar
by VintageManniqueen
Summary: Sookie and Pam have an adventure- that you decide. Set after Two Blondes. I own nothing. Reviews are appreciated!
1. Chapter 1

"Give me a siiii-iiiiign! Hit me baby one more time!"

Pam burst into a fit of laughter, which frightened Sookie as she was in the passenger seat and Pam was behind the wheel. Of Eric's car.

"I'm so glad I have someone to not be good at singing with," she said, recovering from the terror.

Pam flashed her fangs in appreciation. "It's wonderful. Here I had thought a Karaoke night at Fangtasia would embarrass just me. Now that I know it will embarrass you as well, I think it's a great idea."

The trees no less than six feet from the speeding car were passing so quickly that Sookie began to feel nauseous from watching them. The churning in her stomach may have been caused more from the realization that they were speeding alarmingly along a bumbfuck country road than actual car sickness.

They were headed to a bar in the middle of no man's land, but Sookie didn't know exactly why. She was told it was just a girls' night out- just Sookie and Pam. Being girls. "Doing girl stuff," Pam had said.

Sookie hoped it wouldn't turn the direction of their last vacation- a fun, girlie time with little "vampire business" at a strip club at the Mississippi delta. They'd nearly been killed and/or jailed. Pam had been drugged.

"So, this doesn't involve Bandeau tops, does it?"

Pam's lips curled into a smile. "Not unless you want it to, sweetheart." She turned the volume dial to the left as the Dixie Chicks version of "Landslide" swelled from the speakers. "Did you not enjoy our little adventure?"

Sookie had to admit, she hadn't been too put-off by the whole experience. The "getting trapped and nearly killed by a creepy vampire and elf" part kind of sucked, but the "pretending to be strippers and getting groped by Pam" part wasn't too bad. She could have lived without a little of the groping. And maybe the tongue in her ear.

"I suppose it wasn't awful. Being a stripper was… fun."

"You see. I tell you all the time that taking a step out of your comfort zone is good for you. Dear Abby says it is good for personal development."

She made a sudden turn onto another road with bends and curves that she plowed through as if it were a straight shot on an empty four-lane highway. Sookie grasped at the console and door handle frantically.

"Still not used to the way you drive," she mumbled.

Pam floored the gas pedal. "The way I drive is attractive," she said firmly. No room for argument. But no one could argue that. Pam could handle a car (a really expensive, really fast car) like a professional. She'd been driving since Model T, after all.

"But really," Sookie paused to swallow the fright building in her throat. "What are we doing out here?"

Pam reached over to pat the breather's leg. "I told you. Girl stuff. Girlie stuff that's feminine and what girls do when they go out."

* * *

><p><strong>So, reader, do we believe Pam and continue on? Or does she have something up her sleeve? <strong>

**If you believe Pam, continue with this chapter. If there's more going on here, mumble "Jesus, Shepherd of Judea," and go to chapter 2.**

* * *

><p>Sookie stared at her in disbelief. "What is it about that statement that makes me uncomfortable?"<p>

Pam thought for a few seconds, rolling her answer around in her head a few times to collect the best one. "That thing about me being a vampire and therefore not a participant in what I have regarded as normal female behavior at the bar."

The barmaid groaned and slid down a few inches against the seat, trying to hide from what was sure to come, and the trees whizzing by the windows.

* * *

><p><strong>Still think this night will be tame? Skip to chapter 3. But this time, exclaim, "Fuck a zombie!" in exasperation.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

The (undoubtedly stolen) Corvette pulled into a rather impromptu-looking parking lot that wasn't so much a parking lot as a flat, grassy field near what used to be a barn.

"What the hell," Sookie muttered.

Pam glanced at the potentially muddy ground as she opened the door of the car. "Hell. Exactly."

She closed the door and sat back in the seat. "Who puts a bar in the middle of the fucking woods?" She muttered.

"Sam Marlotte."

"And drag queens, apparently."

Sookie looked at her sideways. "You dragged me to a gay bar in the woods?" This would most certainly involve Bandeau tops.

Pam huffed and rolled her eyes. "It's not a gay bar, per se. There are straight and gay patrons everywhere. This bar's entertainment just happens to be drag shows, most often."

Sookie shrugged. "I suppose you're right." she admitted.

Pam squared her shoulders and slipped her hand through the wristband of her gold clutch. "You'll have fun. I promise. Girlie girl night out."

"Who exactly are you trying to kid?"

Pam flashed her a fangy 1,000 watt smile. "It's been a while since I've gone out with the intention of having fun."

Sookie offered a weak smile in return. "Well, I'm glad you chose me to do it with."

"I would not dare to dream of doing it with anyone else," Pam said flatly, again opening the door. She braved the mushy ground and gracefully slid out of the driver's seat.

Sookie followed suit, bending down to check her hair in the mirror. At least her curl held. She wondered how much longer they'd last, considering the trouble that usually found the two. Or that they found. Either way, she expected to return to the 'Vette with a blood stain or two and blonde curls disheveled beyond repair.

They walked hand-in-hand to the door of the bar, which to Pam's dismay was on the other side of the building. Even Pam's ever-unfaltering poise in stilettos was no match for the backwoods mud.

The bouncer was a woman nearing middle age who could have been _almost_ attractive if she had taken better care of herself in her younger years and wore age-appropriate clothes; the Forever 21 brand didn't become her. The black roots against dyed red hair were her biggest fault.

"ID," she demanded listlessly. She failed to give more than a glance from her magazine.

Pam flashed her fangs and stepped closer to the woman. "I don't think that is necessary," she half hissed, half purred.

The magazine flopped to the ground as the woman's eyes met Pam's. Her mouth made an "O" that made Sookie want to giggle.

"G-Go right ahead," She stammered and scuttled out of their way quickly. They passed through the doors and entered the bar like VIPs. Sookie wondered if they were.

They reached the bar in moments, and Pam still hadn't let go of Sookie's hand. She put her other hand on the bar and nodded her head at the bartender, who Sookie knew instantly was a vampire.

"What can I get you?" he asked in a faint English accent, returning the customary nod.

"A Tru Blood for me and a gin and tonic for the lady," Pam said, before Sookie had a chance to open her mouth.

The vampire winked at Sookie and set off behind the bar to retrieve Pam's Tru Blood.

"He is called Trake, and he is from a village in England not too far from my family's old country home. However, he was turned many, many years after I had already established myself in America," Pam said.

It never ceased to amaze Sookie how little vampires cared about talking about people loudly. Of course, she hadn't said anything bad about him. But she never knew what Pam would say next; tact is not her strong point.

The off-duty barmaid glanced around. The crowd was thin but not laughable, and the patrons were, in fact, very mixed. Several straight couples were dominating the small dance floor. Sookie made a mental note to check the wall plastered with photos of past performers for Lafeyette Reynolds, God rest his soul.

She turned back to Pam just as she was handed her drink.

"Here, sweet girl," Pam purred.

_Oh, great_. It would be another one of those nights were Pam intentionally tried to get a rise out of her by being flirtatious. And damnit if she didn't blush.

Pam slipped her hand back into Sookie's and lead her to a table near the stage. "For the best seats possible," she insisted.

Sookie nodded, instantly feeling a buzz from her drink.

"Drink up, love," Pam cooed from beside her. Too close to her.

Sookie's mental guard fell a little more with each sip. She could hear the buzzing and whirring of peoples' thoughts. They were seeping into her brain.

She could hear someone's fuzzy thoughts from across the room. She concentrated harder. Something about the two blondes… They were thinking about her! She completely tuned out the large MC who had stepped out on stage in an overly-sequined costume that looked like a synchronized swimming bathing suit from the 80's.

_Yeah. Yeah that's it. Mmmhmm. Yes. Look my way. I'd like to take you home. You and your little girlfriend. All that blonde hair and big ol' titties..._

Sookie felt a blush creep onto her cheeks and she snapped her attention back to her immediate surroundings just in time to catch Pam saying, "Sookie is mine."She had the tips of her fangs bared in what Sookie hoped was jest. "What?"

Pam placed her hand on Sookie's thigh and leaned into her face. "Aren't you, darling?"

Sookie felt the blush move to the top of her breasts. "Uh.. Huh?'

Pam lips fluttered against her cheek. "She's had a little much to drink, forgive her," she said charmingly.

The woman she had been talking to smiled half-heartedly and sulked away, returning to a table of twenty-something women in poorly imitated knock-off designer dresses.

"What the fuck was that about?" Sookie hissed, Pam's hand still resting on her leg.

Pam glanced around the bar. "You are my human, tonight, do you understand?"

Sookie's nerves desinegrated. "Fuck me, Pam, really?" She sighed. "What are we here for tonight?"

Pam patted her thigh gently. "Fun. I told you. We are just on the… down low. We are blending by posing as a couple."

Sookie sighed and Pam raised a perfectly arched eyebrow.

"You did not seem to be entirely bothered by our last experience, so I expected you to be alright with this."

Sookie rolled her eyes. "You might as well just tell me why I'm really here, Pamela."

Pam looked at her innocently, feigning hurt. "I just thought you might like to spend some time together. We are friends, yes?"

Sookie nodded. "Yes, but, I just don't understand why we'd have to blend in if-"

"HEY, you with the bouncy blonde hair!" Burst the MC's voice from the sound system.

"Shit," Sookie muttered through her teeth as she smiled.

The queen pulled the cord of her microphone out of her way as she stepped closer to their table and bent down.

"Y-yes?"

"Shut the fuck up!"

The bar erupted in laughter as Sookie shrank back into Pam's arms, embarrassed. Pam, also laughing, kissed the top of her head.

"Now, if it's okay with Blondie, we'll continue with tonight's show-…" The MC's booming voice trailed off as the first act's music began to fill the room.

Pam was right. She needed to step out of her comfort zone a little more often. She was having a great time. Drag queens are fucking _hilarious! _She didn't even mind Pam's occasional nuzzle or kiss to the corner of her lips.

But like a stream of static cutting into a song on the radio, someone's stream of consciousness interrupted Sookie's about 5 drinks into the show.

_…that job at Fangtasia….use 'em and lose 'em… make $7,000 a night, easy… heh, fuckin' blood suckers…_

Sookie realized the thoughts belonged to a performer back stage."Pam," she hissed. "Pam, someone back stage is talking about draining at Fangtasia, I think."Pam's head snapped to look at her. "Can you tell me who it is?"

Sookie shook her head. "When she comes on stage I could probably tell you."

Pam nodded curtly. "What did you hear?"

"Something about a… job at Fangtasia, using someone, making $7,000, and fuckin' blood sucker."

Pam didn't say anything else, so Sookie returned her attention to the stage.

The next act was a small but muscular-looking performer supposedly lip-syncing to a Beyonce song. He didn't appear to be too worried about the fact that his mouth movements were saying, "Watermelon, watermelon, mother fucker, watermelon." He had other things on his mind.

"That's him!" Sookie whispered.

Pam looked at her sternly. "Are you sure? Are you completely positive your heard him right?"

_Dumbfucks… $75 a performance… be makin' big bucks… oh, all that blood…_

Sookie nodded. "Yes. I'm positive. He plans to use the vampires at Fangtasia."

Pam slid her cell phone from her clutch and attempted to discreetly text someone Sookie assumed to be Eric. She was beginning to wish she hand't had so much to drink.

They had caught the performer's attention.

* * *

><p><strong>Quick! <strong>

**How does Pam handle the situation? **

**For a stereotypical Drag Show handling, scroll on. For a light-hearted yet femslashier situation, go to chapter 5.**

* * *

><p>"Here," Pam said quickly, handing Sookie two one-dollar bills.<p>

Pam leaned forward and held out a few ones, smiling saucily. They were accepted gladly with a kiss to her cheek. All was forgiven. Much to Pam's relief, Sookie caught on and immediately followed suit.

"Fuck a zombie," Pam muttered quietly as she sank back into her seat.

* * *

><p><strong>Continue on to chapter 4...<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

The (undoubtedly stolen) Corvette pulled into a rather impromptu-looking parking lot that wasn't so much a parking lot as a flat, grassy field near what used to be a barn.

"What the hell," Sookie muttered.

Pam glanced at the potentially muddy ground as she opened the door of the car. "Hell. Exactly."

She closed the door and sat back in the seat. "Who puts a bar in the middle of the fucking woods?" She muttered.

"Sam Marlotte."

"And drag queens, apparently."

Sookie looked at her sideways. "You dragged me to a gay bar in the woods?" This would most certainly involve Bandeau tops.

Pam huffed and rolled her eyes. "It's not a gay bar, per se. There are straight and gay patrons everywhere. This bar's entertainment just happens to be drag shows, most often."

Sookie shrugged. "I suppose you're right." she admitted.

Pam squared her shoulders and slipped her hand through the wrist band of her gold clutch. "You'll have fun. I promise. Girlie girl night out."

"Who exactly are you trying to kid?"

Pam flashed her a fangy 1,000 watt smile. "It's been a while since I've gone out with the intention of having fun."

Sookie offered a weak smile in return. "Well, I'm glad you chose me to do it with."

"I would not dare to dream of doing it with anyone else," Pam said flatly, again opening the door. She braved the mushy ground and gracefully slid out of the driver's seat.

The trudge to the entrance was more than Sookie could handle in the more-show-than-shoe shoes Pam had all but forced onto her feet. She was surprised by the lack of a bouncer, or any kind of substitute, even for a small bumbfuck gay bar in the woods.

"What's this place called?"

"The Barn. B-A-R hyphen N."

Sookie looked at her companion incredulously. "Seriously?"

"Have you a better suggestion?"

Sookie thought for a moment and laughed a little sarcastically. "The Bar-n in B.F.E."

Pam blinked. "I fail to understand the humor."

Sookie shook her head and stepped into the dimly lit and over-glittered bar. Bar-n. It didn't seem _too _bad, actually. The interior was decent- much more than she expected from the dilapidated exterior and unseemly location.

"Take my jacket to a table and I will bring you a magical mind-clearing tonic," Pam said.

The out-of-place barmaid slipped the pastel pink, faux-leather jacket over her arm. "I'd like a g-"

"You'll drink what I order for you, Breather." And she was at the bar before Sookie could protest. She wasn't a big drinker. What could Pam possibly know about alcoholic beverages? And least of all, alcoholic beverages that she would actually _like_?

She wandered to an empty table equal distance from a small stage and the dance floor speckled here and there with a tipsy couple or trio. The crowd seemed to fall in the 20 to 30 range, with a few underage kids who easily slipped under the unenforced radar. She let her mind fill with their non-threatening, drunken thoughts for a moment to help ease her worry about a night out with her fangy friend.

The drink presented to her in an ornate glass did little to ease her nerves, however.

"It's a Cosmo. They're _cosmopolitain_ again now that Sex and the City has died away."

Sookie eyed it suspiciously. "What's in this?"

Pam rolled her eyes. "It is a _girlie_ drink. Cranberry or something. I understand they're _delicious_." She said this last with a playfully lingering glance to Sookie's chest.

Sookie groaned and slid into the barstool placed at the little round table. "I wish you could drink."

Pam smiled fancily. "Oh, I have my tricks," she sing-songed.

"Oh, Shepherd of Judea. Not elf blood. Not again."

Pam only smiled wider and allowed the fine tips of her fangs to descend over her expertly painted lips. "Maybe I will enjoy some fairy blood," she whispered.

"Maybe you'll get out of my face."

Pam leaned closer. "Now why would you want that?" she breathed playfully as she twirled away toward the dance floor. Sookie learned during their last… girl's night out that Pam was a surprisingly decent dancer. She was as graceful in incredible heels on the dance floor as she was strutting the floor of Saks Fifth Avenue. Sookie had to admit- she was rather mesmerizing.

_I'll dance dance dance_

_With my hands hands hands_

_Above my head head head_

_Like Jesus said_

And that's precisely what Pam was doing, and it was spellbinding. Even if Sookie couldn't recall Jesus commanding anyone to dance dance dance with their hands above their heads.

Sookie maintained her seat and her drink while Pam danced solo until the lights flashed and dimmed slowly to announce the 11:15 show.

"Ladies, ladies, take your seats," a tall, thin young man in poorly executed drag yelled, mic-less from the stage.

"Shut up, faggot!" Yelled someone from across the bar.

Sookie turned to Pam in alarm, but the emcee and most of the bar erupted in giggles.

"I don't fit in here," she mumbled under her breath.

Pam pulled her stool next to Sookie's and slipped into it with a subtle glide. "The show here leaves a bit to be desired, but I like the atmosphere. We must watch and tip out of respect."

"Well, what have we here?" Asked the obnoxious host.

"Fuckin' nothing!" Rang out a voice from somewhere to Sookie's left.

"That's the way I like it, baby!"

Sookie tipped the last of her drink into her mouth as Pam was already flagging the bartender to bring her another.

* * *

><p>The acts where terrible. Sookie was in to her 5th shot of Southern Comfort as a tiny, whispy boy of <em>maybe<em> 19 seated himself on a stool in the middle of the stage. "I'm going to sing an original song that I wrote a little bit ago that I think we can all probably identify with," he lisped as he pushed aside his black, greasy emo bangs with a black-tipped fingernail.

"Thisss sssong is called 'Fragile Faggot."

"Oh, Jesus Christ, Pam."

Pam chuckled as she pulled Sookie's head onto her shoulder. "It'sss almost over," she whispered.

_And you love me and leave me, and call me, and hurt me_

Shepherd of Judea, her head was pounding.

_Jussst so fragile, babyyyy. Jusssst so fragile, fragile faggot, baby._

The lights and colors seemed to pulsate with the bass.

And… she was beginning to feel floaty. And wonderful.

"Pam. Pam. Let's dance."

Pam took Sookie's hand in hers and pulled her toward the dance floor as the music from the speakers began to swell again.

"Feeling good?"

Sookie nodded and playfully bumped her hip into Pam's. "Wonderful. And I have to say, thank you. This is proving to be a lot of fun."

"And you thought I would let you down."

The barmaid pulled her blonde curls down from their conservative bun and shook them out in such a way that drew a genuine laugh from the sarcastic vampire.

"I think I enjoy spending girlie time with you, Sookie Stackhouse."

Sookie grinned and continued to dance a little more freely. "Tell me, how did you get the Corvette?"

"I am already borrowing one of Eric's most prized possessions. I thought it would not make much difference to borrow the other at the same time."

"Good thing vampires can't go into cardiac arrest."

"I thought so, too."

* * *

><p>"And I said, 'HEYAYAYAYAY HEY AY AY. ' I said, 'HEY, what's going on?'" The duo sang in unison.<p>

They finished the song to a mix of drunken applause and slightly nervous laughter (as Pam's fangs were slightly protruding.)

"We are Sugar and Butterscotch," Pam announced with a beautifully executed curtsy.

Sookie gripped her hand tightly as she wobbled down the stairs from the stage. "I can't believe that just happened."

"I told you I would make sure you have fun."

"We had no business doing that."

"Of course not. But we did. And it was fun. I only sing with you." Pam motioned to the bartender to bring Sookie another shot and another shot of spiked Tru Blood for herself.

Sookie plunked herself roughly into a chair and leaned back. She wasn't sure if the room was spinning, or if the people around her were spinning. Or maybe both. She noticed in her daze that her skin had developed some kind of sheen… It was wonderful, whatever it was."Sookie, that is glitter," Pam stated when presented with the magical shine on Sookie's arms.

"But how did I…"

"Consider your surroundings. And your company," Pam said with a pleased tone as she dusted some of the metallic flecks from her sweater.

"Oh."

As she sipped that last drink, Sookie fell deeper into her sweet haze. She ceased to care how she would get into her front door, or what anyone who saw her would think. All that mattered was the open dance floor and the moving lights, and the rhythmic music twirling through the dancing people….

* * *

><p>"UUUUuuunnghhhh," Sookie groaned into the phone and six PM the next evening.<p>

"How's my favorite breather?"

"How many times did you bang me into the doorframe?"

"Twice in the car and four times in your home. But three were an accident."

The bruise on her rear was completely unexplainable. It was the size of a softball. The aching in her head was unbelievable.

"Why did I drink so much?" She could hear Pam starting her car through the phone.

"Because I am under the impression that that is what girlfriends do when they go out. The waste themselves and carry each other home."

"_Get_ wasted," Sookie interjected.

"Yes. And, the last time we partook in girlie events, you did the same for me. So, I was only returning the favor."

Sookie could detect the tiniest hint of a laugh in Pam's words.

"Yes, well, you've killed me in the process."

Pam laughed. "I could only wish. But now I am off to the gothic babysitting service and I haven't the time to glamour any police officers along the way."

The line clicked and Sookie tossed the phone into the middle of her bed. She was to remain dead to the world until the next morning, and vowed never to party with Pam again. At least, not any time soon.

She rolled over to avoid the sleepy numbies in her arm, and in the process noticed that her pillow was covered in glitter. "Weird," she muttered.

**Continue to EPILOGUE**


	4. Chapter 4

Sookie glanced around subtly. No one seemed to notice that anything was amiss. She turned to catch the eyes of the bartender. He nodded and smiled and set to preparing another drink to be sent to her.

They finished out the show as though nothing out of the ordinary was happening. Just two girlie girl girls, having a good time. Laughing at drag queens. Pretending to be together. Normal.

Sookie sipped her new drink slowly. She had never gotten so drunk so fast, especially not since she's been dating the owner of a bar. She must have been hungry or something.

"I'm so drunk. This isn't even normal." Had she hiccuped sometime during this statement, anyone within earshot would have scanned the room for reality TV cameras.

Pam patted her hand. "I had your drink spiked with something extra special."

Sookie scowled at her. "You did _what?"_

Pam shushed her with a finger to her lips, then pointing that same finger to the curtain that opened to stage left where two men positioned themselves on either side of the exiting drag queen/parttime vampire drainer.

They watched the remainder of the show in silence punctuated by the occasional giggle. Out of the corner of her eye, Sookie saw Pam nod to the bartender who quickly, and personally, brought a Coke to the table and set it down in front of her.

She was beyond grateful.

* * *

><p>"But I wanna daaaance, Pammy. Pleeeeease. Oh, god, PLEEEEASE dance with me, Pammylaaaa," Sookie whined, clutching Pam's hand to her chest.<p>

"While I so enjoy having my hand clamped to your ample bosom of your own ministrations, I must decline your offer and return you safely. Eric is about to have my head on a platter of TruBloods served from the hood of his car."

Sookie blinked. "That was graphically detailed."

"I'll show you the texts."

Without missing a beat, the drunk barmaid tugged at her fangy friend's hand again. "Please. Please. Just one more song. I'll give you anything."

"Kiss me. Right here. And then again several times in that delicious car. And then tell Eric it was all your doing."

"Oh, ew," Sookie replied, her face screwed up in heterosexual revulsion.

Pam smirked. "Thank you. That was so kind."

Sookie rolled her eyes. "Oh, GOD. I'm just not a _lesbian, Pam."_

"Well, neither am I." She grinned devilishly and lifted their joined hands over Sookie's head for her to turn and spin out beneath them.

"Oh, yay!"

Pam laughed lightly and obliged her with _one last fucking song. _After all, she did promise her a girlie girl night out, and this is what girls did, right? And Pam was not an objector to a night at the club.

The ride back to Bon Temps was long and filled with terrible driving karaoke. Karaoke was a fundamental of a girls' night out, after all. The drive would have been shorter if Sookie didn't require a "holy shit I have to PEE" stop every few miles.

"I wouldn' be s'prised if we get pulled over for careless shrieking."

Just as pam's rare legitimate laughter began to trickle into the music, Sookie's mind took a swift turn to remembering the man at the bar who'd been escorted offstage.

"Pam, what was going on at the bar?"

Sigh. "Nothing, Sookie. I was just playing. You are Eric's, you are straight-"

"No, I mean with that guy. Girl. Um, that drainer."

Pam stared straight ahead. "You were brought in to unwittingly identify the intentions of a cast member that applied for work at Fangtasia."

Sookie turned all the way to face Pam. "What the fuck, Pam? I KNEW you were lyin' to me! How dare you get me drunk an' take a'vantage of me like that!"

Looking her up and down, Pam snarked, "I could have done a lot more."

Sookie pouted. "Tha's not even okay, Pam. Was this Eric's idea? This is BS. Total bullshit." She crossed her arms over her chest and they rode the last fifteen miles into Bon Temps in silence.

* * *

><p>"I can get out by myself."<p>

Pam got out of the car anyway, waiting on the porch for the wobbling Sookie to reach the door on her own.

"I hate you."

"If it makes any difference at all, I truly did want to spend girly, feminine, girlfest time with you, and I thoroughly enjoyed your company."

Sookie looked at her through drooping eyelids.

"Sure."

Pam frowned. "I did. I like you, Sookie. It pleases me to share time and space with you."

Sookie sighed. "Well, I enjoy you, too."

Pam kissed her on the cheek chastely. "Goodnight, little breather."

Before Sookie could respond, Pam had already started the Corvette and just as quickly as she'd left the doorstep, she sped off down the gravel driveway in a flash of red, "delicious" car.

"Fuck a damn zombie," Sookie muttered and pushed open the door.

**Continue to the Epilogue!**


	5. Chapter 5

"Baby, let's not do this here, okay? I just want to have fun tonight."

Before Sookie could retort the "What the fuck?" she intended to, Pam's soft and cool lips were on her own, moving gently. "Come _on,"_ Pam hissed into her mouth.

Well, it could be worse.

Sookie clumsily brought her hand up to cup Pam's cheek and kissed her back (hopefully) convincingly. It wasn't bad- it wasn't bad at all. She had never really thought about kissing another woman before, but if she had, she would have been greatly surprised by what it actually felt like. It was soft and sweet, and Pam's lips were tinted with the tiniest hint of Pina Colada lip sheen.

However, she didn't argue when Pam pulled away.

_Christ, the fucking dykes can't make it through one song..._

"It worked," Sookie whispered through her teeth.

**Go BACK to chapter 4**


	6. Epilogue Type Thing

"I do not understand why my Corvette was relevant and necessary to this excursion."

Pam blinked several times. "I like to show my ladies some class and style."

Eric glared. "I should punish you for this."

Pam grinned. "But you will not. I am your darling child and I simply borrowed your car in addition to your lover. The two clearly go hand in hand."

"I would never trust you with both of my prized possessions in one outing."

"I know. That is why I did not ask."

* * *

><p><strong>(Lyrics to songs by Lady Gaga, Four Non Blondes, and Britney Spears are clearly not mine)<strong>


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